It Might Be Good To Be King, But It Has To Be Better To Be Tom Petty

There have been a couple of wonderful pieces on Tom Petty over at Popdose in recent weeks – here and here. And why shouldn’t there be glowing tributes written to the man here, there, and everywhere?

Although Petty himself once had a song called It’s Good To Be King, I think I’d disagree.

It would be a lot of hassle being king. For one thing, you have to deal with the serfs. Personally, I don’t want to stress over the ticking time bomb that is a large mass of poor, hungry, begrimed humans who know that you are responsible for their misery and have decided there is little left to lose should they storm the castle.

Would you rather go to sleep at night with that scenario on your mind or would you rather be Tom Petty?

I mean, yeah, like anyone else, I’m sure Petty has had some friction in his life. I seem to remember his mansion burning down and he broke his hand, rather seriously as I recall, during the recording of his Southern Accents album…

…but being Tom Petty has to be one laid-back, devil-may-care existence.

(of course, he might have to put up with Willie Nelson calling him at all hours of the night)

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Ways To Be Wicked
Lone Justice did an incredible version of this song on their debut. Petty’s version came out years later on a box set and it’s three and a half minutes of glorious, garage band racket.

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Southern Accents
It was recording the Southern Accents album when Petty broke his hand against a studio wall. I thought that I read in Rolling Stone at the time that he did so in excitement over the music.

Whatever the case, I remember eagerly awaiting that album when it was released in the spring of ’85. Eurythmic Dave Stewart’s role as producer intrigued me and Don’t Come Around Here No More was as wonderfully demented as I’d expected.

As for the full album, I was somewhat disappointed. But from the first time I heard it, I thought that the title track was absolutely stunning. It’s a beautiful song and I don’t know if I’ve ever believed a singer more than Petty on this one.

Tom Petty – Yer So Bad
This song is simply infectious.

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Walls (Circus)
Walls (Circus) always makes me smile as – maybe more than any other song – it makes me think of Paloma. We listened to the Songs And Music From She’s The One incessantly when it came out. Though the song is a bit wistful, I always took it as resilient and hopeful.

Maybe it was the purple elephants in the video.

Perhaps My Future Includes A Shot At Being Secretary Of State

In the past, I’ve considered the career path of puppet master/leader of a small, beachfront nation, this dual identity necessary as there’s no scenario in which I could be ever elected to office.

However, getting appointed Secretary Of State might be doable as I’ve been feeling quite confident over the past week or so – thanks to Sarah Palin – of my foreign policy credentials. Let’s consider Russia…

Not only have I been within sight of Russia, I have walked on Soviet soil. Yeah, the Soviet Union who was the mortal enemy of the States before Sting wondered if they loved their children and Sylvester Stallone ended the Cold War in Rocky IV.

Studying in Southeast Asia led to the opportunity for me to leave my footprint on Soviet turf. One of our professors assigned us to write a paper on Soviet/Indonesian relations. The university library had three books on the subject – two by our professor. We were being set up.

Several friends and I decided we’d go to the Soviet embassy near where we lived and get a quote on the subject from the horse’s mouth (or the horse’s mouthpiece). No one would talk, but we did make it inside the embassy and embassy soil is technically foreign soil. Boom.

I can now tell people, “Yes, I spent a bit of time behind the Iron Curtain before the fall of the Berlin Wall,” shaking my head, grimacing, and adding cryptically, “I don’t like to talk about it.”

I also had an allergist who looked, and sounded, so much like Henry Kissinger that I have long suspected it was him, fulfilling some secret dream of being an allergist. If it was him (and I’m not saying it was, but, please, feel free to spread this rumor like a bad rash), then I could also tout my foreign policy experience by osmosis.

Yes, I am claiming that the fact that I had an allergist who was the doppelganger of a man who had plenty of foreign policy experience should, obviously, speak volumes for my qualification to get appointed Secretary Of State.

Then again, being Secretary Of State would have to be a serious drag. I think I’d prefer being our ambassador to Ireland, a position for which my fondness for Guinness would be an asset.

Warren Zevon – The Envoy

Elton John – Border Song

Rush – Territories

The Blasters – Border Radio